Welcome to Kao-Ly Yang's Website on Hmong Contemporary Issues

From:DN Yang

To: Kao-Ly

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005 1:33 PM

Subject: Ann story

Dear Friends,

After reading the short story, I wonder what the issue or message is. Again, I then re-read your last paragraph, and I have to applaud you in doing so, What I hope the most in writing this story is to increase your awareness on issues relating to Hmong American weddings. When you come to face this issue, you will be inspired to find the most appropriate way to find happiness in this country rich of opportunities. I really hope this story will make you awake of the various existing ways to express love. I also hope this story will earn your heart, your compassion and a bigger tolerance toward people who just want to follow their convictions.

I have to admit the short story of Ann has introduced a few views that I haven't thought of, especially moving on with a lost love and letting that goes due their goals in life. Due to this, if Ann was in love at the time, I personally don't think she was in love.Love isn't that easy, I personally think she can't control herself by a few thoughts...Being now more informed on grief and sorrows, she started to differently see life. She thought: ?The acceptance of life depends more on the place one sits. Maybe, I need to change my place to better appreciate my experience?. She understood the meaning of courage in what she called ?weakness? in her mother?s love to her father and in her eldest sisters? love to their violent husbands. She was never in love or her love to succeed was more than her boyfriend.

Now on the issue of Ann getting marriage and responding to a few quotes I've decided to pick on: young age marriages, marring for the purpose of security, and she doesn't need that, polygyny and monogamy, and the dilemma she faces with the new man, how he tries to impress her, and it appears she wants more that flowers and sweet voices.

The first thing that I want to address is Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution and how it works on species through out history. Why some species became extinct and some are able to survive.Key words are environment, adaptation, survival of the fittest, changers, changes, and etc.

Now with this being said, I think why we think young age marriages are such a problem in America.I don't have the statistic on this but in my opinion, everyone can't be a doctor, a leader, and obtain a high status in society, so whenever a young age marriage fails, we point at it and said, Look it's this is what happen when you get marry young, like it's the end of the world. As we all know it's not. As much as there are fail young age marriages, there are successful ones too or close too.In the end if it's a failed young age marriage is the final consequence, hey lets look at it as a learning stage.  I?m not to trying to encourage young are marriages, but as with everything that we experiences in life we should learn from it and move toward success.So people don't, but if it happens we shouldn?t look at young age marriage as the reason why there is or are a failures in our community.  It is not that young marriages are a vice, it is a process that we all have to encounter and go through due to procreation: reproduce offspring?s. Whether we know it or not, be aware of it or not, or forgot to think about it, marriage serve a purpose in reproduction. There are other things that marriages serve as describe in your writings on Hmong weddings, but it is not the reason why we as Hmong fail in life. We can get bite if we do marry at a young age and even if we?re at a ripe age too. Just look at it if we?re marry young we can be successful from the start because it introduces us to roles (parent's roles, adult roles) stages in life that we have to go through. Tough out, think positive, and make it work out.  Mature marriages go through the same thing too, and at times they fail at a bigger rate.  Many cultures or Hmongs outside of America get marry young and have a happy life, why can't we do it here in America; especially when there's more help here.Look at all the welfare programs, parent return back to school loans and grants, county sponsor children day care, and etc.  I ask, Can we get marry young, have kids, finish school, and go to college, and survive?The answer yes! I see a few and I'm one of them. I grew up traditionally, in the mainstream, a thug of society, a lover of my kind, and hater of my kind, the point is that I might not be a doctor or a millionaire one day, but at least I'm surviving in my environment. This is good enough and some one expectation of survive might be different, and I hope they don?t forget or miss out.  I understand and know that you understand and know the reason to why I made the comments just now more than me.I just want to say that young age marriage isn?t the end of life it's a beginning of a new stage, a new life, and if we fail, or fail due to other reason while being married at a young age, get your feet off the ground.We shouldn't stereo type young age marriage as a failure venture, and again I'm not encouraging it too, but look at the bigger problem, or reason the reason why young age marriages are harder, why it fail or a success.  It?s has nothing to do with being marry at a young age, it has something to do with survive in their environment or social environment, if you know what I mean.

Now going back to the other issues or aspects I want to address: marring for the purpose of security, and she doesn't need that, polygyny and monogamy, and the dilemma she face with the new man, how he try to impress her, and it appears she wants more that flowers and sweet voices.  Marrying for the purpose of security, Ann doesn't need that. But she should marry for procreation, after we want a strong gene line, don't we, to form strong social structure of her pack to survive.  You know Orangutans are coming to extinction due to their solitary life styles. Lions need a pack to hunt and their preys need practice procreation to create a good support network to survive and a few extra to feed to the lions.  Can Ann go through life being along and miss out on the excitement and etc of marriage?  Or should she, and said that at the end she's a successful counselor, but were never a wife, mother, and etc.  Anyway whatever Ann chose to do, she should remember that she definitely survives in the mainstream, but appears to be confused, behind, and etc in her Hmong community. Can she establish that what I?m trying to say: survive in her Hmong community soundly? In this case I think she doesn't know where she's at or her environment.

Now going to something different, I also hope this story will earn your heart, your compassion and a bigger tolerance toward people who just want to follow their convictions., my answer to this is.  I still don't have tolerance toward people who just want to follow their convictions because they forgot about whom or where they came from.For an example a friend of mine, who is a manager for a retail food chain, one day told me why Hmong people complain so much about Americans to reason to their failures or happiness. He'll never raise his kids up the Hmong way and appears to be ashamed of his kind, really he was successful in being a manager, but he forgot where he came from.If he knew where he came from, I don't ever think he would ever say that. Man the ?Death Trek? from 1975, crossing the jungles, to the Mekong River, in Thailand, and torcher there, to America, and gang violence, ohh?. Not to forget the many battles we fought with the Chinese a few thousand years ago.  Man he doesn?t know where he came, therefore I believe native Hmong Americans who are born here and forgot about the past and pains our parents went through, and I have no toleration at all.  At the same time I can tolerate toward people who just want to follow their convictions because they haven't forgot where they came from.

Dr. Kao Ly Yang, have you ever address the issue of tradition Hmong and Christian Hmong. I see a lot of problems in that. How do we deal with the differences? Christians said they are more successful and I can see why because of the idea of collecting a party of many individuals meeting and sharing ideas. I'm tradition, but feel that Hmong Christians (at least some of them) have or are confuse about being a Christian. Why? Well it's not about being better it's about a following a religious of their choices that works for them.Second of all, I think most Hmong Christian is confused because most of them have a misconception of the idea of being Christian and being American. They change they way the eat breakfast, but eating bread base food and etc.  This isn?t being a Christian; it?s more like being White America.  Can I have your thoughts on this?

D. Yang

HOMEPAGE