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| Current Experiences: Possessed by Lost Spirit of Grief or Simple Wickedness ? The Story of a Man Who Is Jealous Kao-Ly Yang Sau ua lus Hmoob En français That night was the longest night in their life. Yingying, the 33-year old husband recently married to Maysee, was angry. The couple were fighting for a motive that she did seize, and that he did not understand himself because he felt very confused at the same time abused. Yingying was calling names upon his 30 years-old wife when Maysee opened the door of their house: - "Ghost of seeking death, Ghost of hunger, Ghost of homeless, Ghost of craziness, Ghost of reincarnation", etc. She was shocked, not knowing what happened while she was away, working as an aid-cook at the restaurant "Get Full" in downtown Fresno, California. - "Why did you call me names?" she asked, "What did I do to deserve them? Tell me, right now. Explain yourself!" Long silence, then again the chain of bad ghosts came out. Maysee moved toward the kitchen to put all the food that nobody ate at the restaurant in the fridge: they were for her next day lunch and the chicken. She was an aid-teacher. She went to sit next to her husband and expected some rational explanations that Friday evening. But Yingying only called names upon her. - "Tell me what I have done to deserve to be called with those awful names!" asked again Maysee, angry and sad . But still no logical answer, just another charge of more intense insults: - "Face of dead, face of hunger, face of homeless, face of unworthy woman, face of sex, face of ghost, face of losing face, etc." - "Get out of my house", finally answered Maysee. I cannot tolerate you anymore. If you are not happy, just get your things out of my house and of my life. Never come back. I do two jobs and pay the rent. You don't deserve me". The husband did not move a thumb. In front of the TV, he kept repeating more coarseness. Fat and wearing only his briefs, he was on the sofa, dark and intolerable. After 30 minutes, trying to seize reasons of such a behavior, Maysee finally understood that somebody, one of his friends, had told him that women like her working at such places in late night, might have affairs. There was no doubt at that, he shouted. That evening, Maysee was late of a few minutes because there were lots of the clients at the restaurant on a Friday night. She also wanted to pack the rest of the meal to home for his chicken. She was thinking of making some savings. The big house with a garden and a pool was costing. Yingying with his low self-esteem was not capable to handle a few minutes late on behalf of his wife. He was very jealous. In spite of the two-year marriage, love was washing away. Life was pure madness; there was nothing else to be done. Jealousy was on all fours with passion. It was not anymore teasing, but tough domestic violence with its trail of verbal insults, outrages, hatred and grief. Lacking self-esteem, good judgment and social support from wise lineage leaders, Yingying was a victim of his own making and of bad influence of his wrong frequentations; that might explain why he was constantly behind his wife's back, spying any late minutes, smiles or out of norm daily activities. Before getting married, he was living on the look out, lacking confidence and more, courage to live the life he wanted. The marriage to a woman was his salvation of a long, boring and lonely life. His life was between the market where he worked as a guardian and his parents' house. He did not have other experiences than being a spoiled, unskillful and illiterate son waiting for the coming of a princess charming with her income -- and this for first 31 years of his life. Cowardly and fearful heart with bad friends, he was the kind of man afraid of women with a little more education than him. The dispute was going nowhere as usual. Maysee knew it at first glance. Should she face him or just leave the scenery before it got dirty? After listening very patiently his mad attack --because she felt compassion for such a man drifting to his dark side and his suffering as an incapable human being--, she went to her bedroom and locked herself until the morning because he had guns. Still, along the long night, sadness, pain and despair seized Maysee's heart and reason. "What is she going to do with such a man, incapable of good judgment and lacking total confidence and education with potential growth of maturity? Should she stay and live her life as a fate, a challenge or should she leave him, get divorced?" Her heart was sorrowful. Could she handle a divorce? Middle class woman, she was a simple person, product of the Hmong traditional culture with her fear of losing face and of social exclusion. Early in the morning, Maysee went to her daily walking exercise before coming back home finding the man still sleeping on the sofa at the same position. She suddenly remembered her mother's stories about lost ghosts that took possession of human bodies. These ghosts might embody people and make them say terrible things. - "Is he possessed by some wandering demons of grief?" she wondered. "Or is he simply wicked? Let try to drive out demons if there were demons. He might have caught them while fishing at Lost Lake River where there were people who hung themselves in the trees." Her husband, because of his weak vital force, might have been hooked by these ghosts of devastation", she thought. According to Hmong beliefs, these souls of unfinished lives, of violent deaths, would need to find substitutes to replace them before being authorized to reincarnate again. They might have embodied her husband. Whether true or false, she had to try something to save her wedding. She took three incense sticks and whirled them over his head whiling saying: - "Oh, Ghost of seeking death, Ghost of hunger, Ghost of homeless, Ghost of craziness, Ghost of grief, I invite you to leave this man. This is not the place for you; this is not the good person for you. There are better places elsewhere. Leave the body of this man, leave the mind of this man. I offer you food and money paper. Take them and leave him, leave him forever.Go away and never come back again. Then she burnt the sticks outside the house. The husband felt asleep after the ritual. Nobody knew whether it was the making of a lost spirit seeking subsitute or the wicked and frustrated heart of man influenced by bad friends. This story is fictional, inspired by the suicides at Fresno Lost Lake Park, a quiet place where some people chose to die by hanging. Solitude, anger and frustration might be the motive to suicide. Modern life with its package of financial difficulties, women's freedom, low self-esteem, socio-cultural adaptation has caught some of them, less flexible to accept changes. Copyrights 2006 Kao-Ly Yang All rights reserved. Back to the Top |
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| TOPICS OF 2006 January Tsab rau Tsab Mim Xyooj Lettre ouverte à Chamee Xiong, la plus célèbre chanteuse hmong The Open Letter to Chamee Xiong, the Most Famous Female Hmong Singer February Kuv tus Phauj Nyob Asmeslivkas Teb thiab "cov nkauj laug" Ma Tante d'Amérique et les "vieilles filles" My Aunt from America Handling the "Old girls" Ib tug ntxhais kev hlub rau nws leej niam Les soins d'une fille à sa mère A Daughter's Care for her Mother March Qav Xav Loj li Twm La Grenouille qui désire devenir aussi grosse qu'un boeuf The Frog who aspired to become as big as the Ox Cov lus, cov duab thiab cov siab tuaj koom lub rooj sab laj poj niam hmoob Paroles, photos et sentiments à propos de la conférence sur les femmes hmong Words, pictures and feelings at the Hmong Women Conférence, Minnesota 2005 May Taaj kev zais siab tsis pab nws tus kheej rov ua neej Les mensonges de Taah à propos de son divorce ne l'aident pas à trouver son intégrité Taah's Lies about her Divorce Kept her far from her Integrity Guest Writer: Lindy Lee-Her Hmoob Nkes: Thaum txij neej rov nyiam txiv neej,poj niam rov nyiam poj niam Gay et lesbians Hmong en Amérique Hmong Gay and Lesbians Phauj Xis raug muag ua niam peb Ma tante Sy a été vendue comme troisième épouse Aunt See had been sold as a third wife June Guest Writer: Lig Vaaj Xub Thoj Lub Neej Ua Yeeb Yam Kiab Un morceau de l'histoire du développement du cinéma hmong: Su Thao A Piece of the Making of Hmong Films: Su Thao Tsheej Kim, Tus neeg hu xov Tooj tsis tseg L'homme-Chencki The Chencki-man, the night caller July Tus txiv neej uas hais lus rau cov tsawb L'homme qui parlait aux bananiers The Man Who Talked to the Banana Trees, August Raug dab thawj thiab los sis siab phem xwb? Possédé par un démon de chagrin ou simple méchanceté? Possessed by a Lost Spirit of Grief or Simple Wickedness? September Guest Writer: Npoos Xyooj (Bong Xiong), Young Master of Hmong Wedding Kab Tshoob Kev Kos: Piav Txog Tshoob Coj Le mariage traditionnel: le cas du mariage par fuite Traditional Wedding: the case of marriage by elopement November Guest Writer: Kou Xiong Kub Xyooj Tsev Neeg Kev Nrhiav ib Lub Teb Chaw uas Muaj Kev Yeej Pheej La recherche d'une terre de choix par la famille de Kou Xiong Kou Xiong's Family Search For a Land of Choices December Niam Nkauj Kab Yeeb La rencontre avec la déesse miséricorde Guanying. The Meeting with Guayin, the Goddess of Mercy. |