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| CURRENT EXPERIENCES An Unfinished Love by Kao-Ly Yang Sau ua lus hmoob Version française I love her. I love her smiling, doubting, shaking her head and grimacing, walking in the narrow wet trails while telling stories, tying her long dark hair, washing her oval face, her leaf- eyes, biting her lips to make them red so that she would not appear too tired after long interviews and late storytelling nights. I met her when I was just 19 years. She never told me her age. But I know she is older than me. I had gone with her during 3 weeks before she traveled back to Vientiane then to America. For the past 11 years, I have been waiting for seeing her again. I think about her day and night. My love became stronger over the years even if our meeting has been brief. In my mind, I know I love her forever from our first glance. An infinite love. My mother knows I love her. She keeps repeating to me: - "Ah, my son, in your previous life, you had borrowed money from her. Now you need to pay her back in longing her." I have been amazed by this idea. No, it is not a debt. It's love. I love her because she is my soul mate. In my distraught days, I doubt about my feeling, not knowing how a poor young man like me could find the way to the heart of an educated woman. The truth is that I do not know her at all. She came as the wind, and then vanished in the sky three weeks afterwards. That year, I was back home from Vietnam for vacation after a 4-year stay. She was discreet, mysterious, and amazing, but visibly vulnerable with her two bags, cameras, bottle of peanut butter, and her 100 pounds of curiosity. During days, she discussed issues with parents who got all her attention. I was with her as her tour guide in our county. She was finishing a study for her PhD. I was young, ignorant, but passionate by a Hmong woman of courage who came alone in the mountains to study her culture. An unappeased love. That is. No way to find her. No telephone. No address. I did not want to get married as my parents suggested before going back to medical school in Vietnam. I knew that it would be difficult to find her. I was melancholy and happy, and hopeless most of the time. November 2002, I got a fellowship to study in Canada. I will travel first to the United States. I am 30 years old, and still single. The plane lands in Fresno. I am so excited. I am going to find her. I wanted so much to come to America. But I know that the country is wide, and it will be difficult to find her. Fortunately, the Hmong New Year will happen very soon. My Hmong fellows welcome me so kindly: they celebrate my coming in doing soul calling rituals; they take me to restaurants and parties. They are impressed by a Third-World Hmong medical doctor, and I have to confess I am quite overwhelmed by their hunger of fame and of social recognition. I dared not immediately asking my cousins about the woman I love. I guess people may know her because there are only a few Hmong doctors. However, it will be a displaced question because I just arrived in a new country. When I realized that the Hmong Americans love praising their lawyers and doctors, I then ask them about number of PhD in the US. Her name comes out. I am so glad. - "Where is she?" - "Here in Fresno!". My heart starts to beat fast although I keep my face very serious, too afraid to let others know about my feeling. Then I say: - "I would like to meet them, is it possible?" - "We will invite them for your party at the Orchard Hall next week." It is noisy. The room is full of people. There are so many who come to welcome me. I look for her. One of my cousins starts to publicly thank important attendees of the party. But her name has been not pronounced. I shake hands, eat, and answer questions. People are dancing. Some ask me to stay in the US. I am so confused, happy and sad at the same time. My love, where are you? My liver is crying. I have been waiting for you so long. I miss you. I have done everything to be with you in America. We are in the same city, but I don't see you. After a dance, I feel so disconcerted. I just want a drink, and sit alone. Somebody touches my shoulder. I turn back and see her, standing and smiling at me, holding out her hand toward me. She still carries two bags, wears a dark green coat. Her hair is now short. - "Nyob zoo! It's you. Do you remember me?" She says. I smile. -"How are you?" She asks. I am voiceless. I am staring at her, and see a golden ring at her fourth finger of her left hand. My mouth becomes dry. -"Are you fine?" She says. I could not answer. She saw my emotion. She keeps talking very gently. -"I am very happy to meet you again. I learnt that you are now a medical doctor." - "Yes", I mumble. I feel really embarrassed and sorrowful. - "Zoo heev! I am very proud of you", she says. "There is quite a crowd here who would like to welcome you tonight. I won't hold you very long. I did not know that it's you, my young guide. I cannot stay long. I have to go home. Let me ask your cousin his phone number, and I will call you. I am so happy to see you again." She walks away, taking my heart, my unfulfilled love. Time has flown away: I could not erase 11 years. I just love her so much. TOP The story and its characters are fictional. Copyrights 2006 Kao-Ly Yang All rights reserved BACK TO THE TOP |
| TOPICS OF 2007 January Tseem tsis tau hlub tag Un amour inachevé An Unfinished Love Tus poj niam txiav plaub hau uas kho kho siab La coiffeuse langoureuse The languorous Hairdresser February 3 lub kub toj xub kev sib daj sib deev Les trois perles faisant face à l'infidélité The 3 Pearls Facing Unfaithfulness June Vim li cas NaisPhoo Vaj Pov raug mus nkuaj thiab Hmoob sawv pab thuab? Comprendre le projet politique General Vang Pao et les réaction de la community hmong Understanding Former General Vang Pao's Scheme and Hmong Community Reactions July: Guest Writer: Malie Siong LajZim thiab MasLias Txoj Kev Sib Hlub Hauv Nruab Siab L'amour secret de Lazi et Malia The Secret Love of Lazee and Malia September Guest Writer: Judy Yang Txoj kev yeej ntev, tabsis peb yeej taug mus txog Asmeslivkas teb La voyage fut long, mais nous sommes quand nous sommes enfin en Amérique The journey seemed long, but we made it to America. Guest Writer: May Zoua Hang Dab Neeg Qhia Lub Hauv Paus Pib Ua Neeb Thiab Kev Siv Tsiaj Thiab Cuaj Yeej Ua Neeb Mythe d e l'origine du chamanisme hmong et les usages du sacrifice des animaux et les fonctions des instruments du chaman Myth of the Origin of Hmong Shamanism and Healing Uses of Animals for Sacrifice and Functions of Shaman's Tools December Part I: Nws tus hluas nkauj raug deev Le coeur trompé The Heart Is Hurt. Part II Tus txiv neej uas xav tau ib tug tub L'homme qui désire un fils The man who desires a son Ib tug poj ntsuam muaj 60 xyoo tus nqi taub hau. The prix de fiancée d'une veuve de 60 ans. The Bride Price of a 60-Year Old Widow. |